God, Are You Up There?????

This entry will probably upset a few of my readers. I may even lose a few subscribers. That saddens me. But I must remain true to myself...my thoughts....my feelings...my views. 

I was raised as a Baptist. I remember as a child reading the Bible and thinking this is the best "story" ever!!! For me, it has always been like reading Homer's, The Odyssey or The Iliad. It was that far-fetched to me. Mythological. I can never remember a time where I actually believed in The Bible. I do believe in God...most of the time. It's just that MY God would not condemn someone for their sexual orientation, race, creed, disability, gender or a whole host of things that are actually in The Bible. My God is a loving God that just wants the human race to be kind to one another. To love. To accept. To not judge. 

But, there are still so many things I don't understand. I don't think I ever will. If God exists, why does he allow suffering, pain? How can He love us and allow such atrocities to occur to us? I have so many friends that are suffering right now. Why? A friend that has had to have two MAJOR surgeries in 6 weeks time. Friends that suffer mental and physical abuse at the hands of someone else. My own 95 year old Granny has been in pain and is deteriorating daily. It is so hard to see this. God, if You do exist...if You are up there, why do You allow this?

I suppose everyone does question this at some point in their life. But, I find myself sometimes thinking there can't be a God if He allows this much pain in the suffering. After all, He is suppose to be the One that can end all the pain and cure all the suffering. So, why doesn't He?  

Don't misunderstand me. It's not that I am losing my faith. I have ALWAYS questioned it from the moment I first read The Bible and could understand its message. I don't believe in prayer. What's the point? Whatever happens is what was meant to happen all along. Praying will not change that. We even say that. "Well, I prayed for so and so...but it didn't happen. So, it just wasn't meant to be." Prayer doesn't change an outcome, in my opinion. Whatever is meant to happen, is going to happen whether we pray about it or not. 

But I DO believe in miracles. There is nothing better than having something happen that is so inexplicable that when it happens, you get that "warm-fuzzy" in the pit of your belly and goosebumps. Is that God? Allah?? Jesus? Buddha?? 

I don't know. But, I am going to continue to be the best me that I can, just in case.