Love, Sex, Relationships and SB---In My Experience

Don't worry. I'm not going to get all graphic here. After all, my mother reads these entries! :) I started to write this 3 days ago and just haven't had the time between travelling from Florida to NC and visiting with family. I just thought I would give my perspective and maybe help some other people out there with disabilities. 

First of all, society is retarded. (I don't mean to offend anyone by using that word. But in this instance, it is entirely true.) For what ever reason, society has come to the conclusion that people with disabilities are completely asexual. You know...We aren't attractive. We don't have relationships. We don't have sex. And God forbid, we don't procreate. Guess what? That's the biggest pack of lies you will ever hear. Don't believe it!!!! 

Now, I will admit, it is NOT easy to date when you're in a wheelchair. But it's not easy when you're able bodied either. Finding the special someone is difficult for everyone. But, throw a disability in there and it's a bit harder. I will be completely honest. I did not date at ALL until I was 19 or 20 years old. That guy I was with for 5 years and we even got engaged and living together..and through some weird twist of fate, after being a part for more than a decade, we have been reunited and happy together for the past 2 years. 

Up until I met him, I never dated. I had plenty of friends and crushes. But no one would ever ask me out. Many people are afraid of disabilities since they don't know anything about them. So it truly does take a special guy or girl to ask out some that has a wheelchair. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I had more confidence to assert myself. After dating him, I realized I COULD be seen as attractive and there WERE guys that wanted to date me. They just needed the push. So I flirted more with other guys to let them know I was available and interested. It helped!!! 

My experience with guys is limited, yes. But I'd rather have a few experiences than a bunch of crappy ones!!! I've gone out with maybe 10 guys. And I ended up getting married too. Wha????? The crippled girl can get married?! Shocking, I know!!! Even more shocking(Sarcasm), like nearly 60% of the population, I also got divorced. I won't go into that. It was regular couple issues. The divorce had nothing to do with me being disabled. We just weren't right for each other. After 4 years, we called it quits. OK....I called it quits. Whatevs. 

Now, about that S word.....SEX.......Yea, there may be people out there that cant partake. Please don't assume that just because someone cant walk they also cant have sex. I can speak for myself and many other folks within the disability community and tell you that we CAN AND DO have sex. I wont go into those details either....But I bet we do it the same way you do. :) And we can have babies.....able bodied babies....the traditional way....or in vitro....or through adoption. We have the same options as everyone else. 

As I have said in so many of my other entries, WE ARE NO DIFFERENT!!! We have the same experiences as you. The only think holding us back is YOU.....Or people like you. Society really needs to stop assuming what we can and cannot do and just let us show you. Some of us (ummmm, not me---anymore) have self esteem issues. We feel unloved because we have never really had someone (other than family) to tell us we are beautiful and fall in love with us. Society fears us. Well, not all of society. Some of us, me included, have been so wonderfully lucky to find someone that looks past all the scars, the wheelchairs and other adaptive equipment. They see the heart and the personality and give us a chance to love and be loved. I hope you will too. 

Or if you're the one with the disability, I hope you will allow yourself to open up with whomever you're attracted to and be willing to put your heart on the line. You may be hurt. But that experience doesn't mean it occurred because you're handicapped. Everyone gets hurt. You'll never know what it's like to truly love and be loved until you've been hurt. You must put yourself out there though. You wont find you're soul-mate by being stuck in the house and not out meeting folks. Just don't give up on love. Everyone deserves it no matter what their age, sexual orientation, race or disability. And as cliche as it sounds, it really will happen for you when the time is right.