If The Lord's Willing & The Creek Don't Rise

This blog is specifically dedicated to my Granny. The title, "If The Lord's Willing & The Creek Don't Rise" is one phrase that as far back as I can remember, my Granny has said it. As a kid, I thought it was only HER phrase.  A "Granny-ism", if you will. It was many years before I realized that it's just a common Southern phrase. But, I can NEVER remember anyone else saying it other than her. 

I know that this entry will be a bit controversial and possibly upset people. But that is okay. This is simply MY post. To my knowledge, it does not reflect the views and/or feeling of anyone else in my family.

Granny took care of my Papa for may years. He had emphysema from years of smoking. She refused to put him in a nursing home and she spent many of their 50+ years together caring for him. After his death in 1986, in my opinion at the age of 68, she was still fairly young. But Granny nearly mourned herself to death over him. She was so depressed, she developed Shingles, an illness that is brought on by emotional stress. Luckily, with the help of her family and loved ones, she was able to snap out of her depression and get back to her old self. She started cooking again. Seriously, Granny is one of the BEST cooks the south has ever had. And she enjoyed it. She also started doing more with her church and travelling with her church group. She has had a VERY long and fulfilled life in her 95+ years! She even worked well past her 80s...retiring more than 8 times...getting bored and going back to work. And she drove successfully until she was nearly 90, deciding to quit on her own because her eyesight was so poor. 

As I have said in previous blogs, Granny is still in the hospital with really no word on her condition. Or, rather no one is telling ME her condition. All I know is that her kidneys are failing (that is nothing new. They have been in bad shape for years) and that when she leaves the hospital, she will need around the clock care. 

At nearly 96 years old, Granny has been in failing health for only a few short years now. It's been just a couple of years that she has been a recluse of some sorts---not able to leave her home that she and my Papa built together more than 60 years ago. She has had "bad" kidneys for many years. So this is nothing new. She had a massive heart attack about 8 years ago and came out of that with flying colors. There are few people that I know of that can have a heart attack and after a few weeks, their heart is "good as new for someone at that age". 

But now, for the past 3-4 years at most, she has been in undeniable pain and suffering. I do NOT want that for her. She shouldn't be suffering at all. If there is a God, I don't understand why He would allow such a God-fearing woman to be in such pain. If He can't make her better, then why won't he just take her away and end her pain? I love her so much. But I love her enough to want the pain to end. If that means that she must leave this world, I would be okay with that. Though I don't think my mom would agree. But it's just her emotions clouding her judgment. I'm sure it's different when you're talking about your own mother and letting her go. I don't know that I would be so willing to let Mama go if I was in the situation. 

Whatever happens with my Granny, I do know that I want to see her before the end...whether the end is next week, next month, next year or in 5 years. It's times like this that I wish I didn't live 12 hours away from family with little or no money to travel home with. But that is life. We all have our own lives to lead and shouldn't have to apologize for it....and I'm not apologizing.

 Really I don't know what I'm saying. There is a part of me that is torn between wanting my Granny to be healed so I can see her again to just wanting her suffering to be over. 

But that's love....and that's life.....