Saturday, August 17, 2013

Mama Said...

You may have read here all about my disability, Spina Bifida, and I appreciate your interest and sharing of my entries. My disability does not define who I am as a person. I feel I am defined by my actions, personality and upbringing, and my own thoughts and feelings. SB is just a small part of my life and I never really intended to devote so much of my blog to it. But I feel that I have a certain responsibility to inform and educate anyone and everyone that will listen. It is for this reason that this blog is also devoted to my Spina Bifida....in a different way. 

I wanted to let everyone know what the greatest gift my mother gave me as a child was.  It's not specific to Spina Bifida. I feel this is a gift that everyone deserves to give their child whether they have any form of disability or they are perfectly able-bodied. The gift is independence. 

Now, what do I mean by that? I mean exactly what I said. My mother taught me how to be independent, DESPITE the fact that I have a disability. It was very important to her that I learn to do as much for myself as I possibly could do....wheelchair or not. Disability or not. I was treated no differently than my 2 older brothers in that aspect. If I wanted a sandwich or a drink, I had to get up and get it myself...just like my able-bodied brothers. Her point was that she (nor my brothers) would be around forever to cater to my wants and needs. I should learn to take care of myself. 

I went to "regular" school and eventually to college. I had friends and sleep overs and though it was minimal, I dated and had boyfriends. I learned to take care of all of my personal care needs like bathing and dressing. And when I had to start being catheterized to empty my bladder, I learned how to do that immediately too. I learned to cook and clean. And I learned how to drive a car with hand controls and how to get my wheelchair in and out of my car all by myself.

Other than having Spina Bifida, my childhood and teenage years (and now my adulthood) was no different than that of my friends. I STILL pride myself on my independence. My mom's point all those years ago was that she wouldn't be there to do it for me; so I should learn to do whatever it was on my own. Now, when I find myself in a sticky situation, I just sit back and think it through and say to myself, "Okay, Dawn. What would you do in this situation if you were alone?" And eventually I figure it out for myself. I do not like to ask for help. But when it's offered, I'm not bitchy about it either. I will decline it nicely or accept it willingly depending on the situation. 

If you are reading this and you have a child with special needs, PLEASE hear me out.....TEACH YOUR CHILD INDEPENDENCE! Teach them how to take care of themselves in the real world. You will not always be alive to take care of them yourself. Give them the gift of independence. If you cater to your child's every whim and need, you will cripple your child far more than any disability ever could. I know many parents of special needs children that wish now they had taught their kids to be more independent. Now they are left with grown adult children still living in their home. Yet they have all the potential in the world to lead normal, every day lives with a job, house and families of their own. Even if your child has limited capabilities, still teach them what they CAN do. Don't let them (and don't you) settle for anything less than that. You're doing a disservice to your child if you do. In teaching them independence, also teach them to be gracious when help is offered. The last thing this world needs is another hateful asshole with a disability and a chip on his/her shoulders.

If you are someone with a disability and you believe you have been hindered and not "allowed" to fend for yourself, ask for help. Talk to your parents. Tell them you WANT to learn and that you ARE capable of learning to care for yourself. If they won't help you, ask a sibling or other trusted family member to help teach you. Ask a family friend. Ask a best friend or their parent to teach you if they are willing....even a teacher at your school or a counselor. I promise, you won't regret it. :-) 

And that is all I have to say about that! 

2 comments:

  1. Dawn! I love your blog! this is Jessica Moore BTW...I totally agree with your independence ...when we were in school together I never ever thought of you as being disabled bc your confidence and independent spirit said everything about you...so big ups to mom bc she did an awesome job. I am so glad you shared bc a lot of parents "baby" their children and your right when they are grown its a mess and the situation can become more serious then their disability bc they don't know how to take care of them self. I have seen it happen so many times and the adult child ends up alone with no sense of self. so parents teach your children independence it will make your child's life so much better in the long run! keep up the good work my friend!

    ReplyDelete