Anyway, I'm tired. I'm always tired. Ever since my medical ordeal last year(2 miscarriages, major surgery, and a massive blood clot that can't be removed, no longer being able to have kids), I am in a perpetual state of tiredness. Yet, I'm perfectly healthy. You know....other than being born with spina bifida, now having 1 ovary and Fallopian tube as a result of the aforementioned surgery, and a left leg full of blood clots. I just can't get enough sleep or rest. My mind is constantly racing and I can't shut it off. That's a new symptom from the past month or 2. Which is exactly how long my husband started his new work schedule. I love my husband more than life itself. But, I hate his schedule. I'm alone all day now. Pretty much from 1:30pm until 1:30am, I am alone with nothing but my thoughts and 2 pets. I miss one-on-one conversation and dinners with my husband. Hopefully in 6 weeks he can go back to first shift. But, I'm terrified that he won't be able to. The past 6 weeks since he started this shift, have dragged by(or is it drugged? That's the one that has always confused me.).
The weather sucks. Whomever gave Florida the nickname of "The Sunshine State" can suck it. The summer months it rains ever day. There is no sunshine. My first summer here in Tampa, it rained for nearly 2 months straight. The gloom affects my mood. I feel like Eeyore. I can rarely spend time outside because the weather is bad now. I am afraid that I am slipping into depression. Yet....I'm happy. I really am. I have no reason to be unhappy. I have everything that I have ever wanted in my life except my family is far away. I miss them terribly.
I AM depressed by the things I read online and the things I see on the news. What happened to our country? People have become so self absorbed and no one cares about anyone else or what they may be going through now. It's so sad.
I told Tristen that I wanted to quit Scentsy. My passion is not there anymore and neither are my sales. And frankly I don't know how to get them back. I have struggled 2 months in a row to meet goals. Last month I didn't reach them. This month is looking unlikely too. Tristen told me no. He said, "You knew going into this that there would be slow or bad times. I don't think that you should quit during the slow months. If it continues into the better months, then we will figure it out. But you shouldn't give up now when it's likely to get better." He's right. Besides, when I buy something, it's because it's something we need or want. So I may as well get it from myself than from one of you. LOL
There are times when I come across as totally bitchy. I know that. But I don't mean for it to happen. When we are online, it's very difficult to understand the intent behind someone's words. So, we often read them a certain way and conjure up our own explanation of what the writer intended...often being wrong. I have been on both sides of that spectrum.
Okay.....I think that's everything. I am not quitting. I just wanted to share my thoughts and what is going on in my brain. I'm gonna be fine because I have to be. I don't give myself any other other choice. It's why I am sharing this. In case anyone else is going through rough times. You're not alone. You'll get through it too.
