Reflections

Lately I've been reflecting a lot on my life...not just my life---more specifically, my age. Nothing at all is wrong, don't misunderstand that! Sometimes people think something has to be wrong when someone is nostalgic about something. But, I turned 38 years old this year. As I inch further away from my 20's and ever so closely to my 40's, I think more and more about nearly a decade of my life that is my 30's, what I have accomplished and experienced, and what I have not. 

I have friendships that have lasted all 3 decades of my life. That in and of itself is the biggest blessing. Thanks to Facebook and other outlets, I have made new friends and reconnected old friendships that I thought were long over. Little did I know, time did nothing except make those friendships stronger than ever. Yes, I can definitely say I have the absolute BEST friends in the world. 

I can say the same for my family. I have a mother whose unwavering and unconditional love is the most astonishing thing I have ever experienced. And I don't tell her that nearly enough. My father died nearly 8 years ago and I miss him more and more every day. He wasn't there for us growing up. Three years before he died, we reconciled(we didnt know at the time he was sick). Growing up, I thought I didn't need him. But at 37 years old, I cannot tell you how many times I wish he was here now to talk to. I still have his phone number in my phone and I'm in no way ashamed to admit that I still call the number from time to time. I hang up before anyone can answer. :-) I have two brothers that are the BIGGEST pains in my ass that I have ever known---and I would not want it any other way. I love them to the moon and back. The strength and tenacity of my nearly 96 year old grandmother is the most amazing thing I know. I hope if I make it to 95/96 that I am as sassy as she is now. Nearly 3 years ago, we welcomed my sister in law to the family. I have known her more than 10 years and I can't imagine my life (or my hair---she's been my stylist forever) without her in it. She's pretty awesome and challenges my brother in just the way he needs. I can't even say enough words about my niece. She'll be 21 in a week. Since the MINUTE she was born, I've loved her as if she were my own. She's a little shit like her daddy, but we love her anyway. There are other family members that mean the world to me. But if I keep talking about them, I'm gonna lose focus!

During my 30's, I have done some light traveling. I would love to travel so much more----domestically and abroad. I have attended tons of concerts and music festivals, movies, zoos, amusement parks. I have gone up in a hot-air balloon---3 times. That was my all time favorite thing to do! I have dealt with some mentally and physically painful medical issues because of my disability. Proudly, I can say that I have overcome them all. I got married...and 4 years later we separated. I still haven't been able to afford that divorce yet. But, I know in time I will. I fearlessly moved 12 hours away from the only hometown I have ever really known to a city and state that I have always dreamt of living in---just because I wanted to. And while here, I have connected with the love of my life. I think that has been the most unexpected experience in my entire life.

My teens and 20's were sooooo fun when I look back on them. I think most people would agree that the 1980's-1990's were a pretty carefree and fun time to live through. I would re-live them in a heartbeat. But, looking back, I think my 30's have definitely shaped me into the woman that I am today. Sometimes, it is all a blur of how I even got to this point! I have almost 2 and a half years left of my 30's, so I definitely wanna make them count. I have done nearly everything I have ever sought out to do in my life so far. Maybe, just maybe, it's time to write that book (or 2) that everyone is always hounding me about. 
I'm really not rushing time along. But I cant wait to see what the next 30 years (hopefully more) brings my way.