All In The Family

This one has been on my mind a lot lately. Family. What do you consider family? Is it the people you are biologically related to? Is it the friends you are closest to that you have bonded with over a period of time? Or, is it a combination of both? For me, it's a little of both, I think. I have always been close with my blood relatives...except for my Dad....you read about him in this blog. We weren't close until the last few years of his life and without a shadow of a doubt, I consider him a part of my family. But I didn't for much of my life because I just didn't know him. 

I have friends that I adore to the moon and back and I consider many of them to be my "brothers and sisters" even if we don't have the same parents. But what IS family? In many cultures the family is the parents, grandparents, kids, aunts, uncles, and children all under one roof. While, I don't think I would survive that concept, I admire the concept of it. 
In modern times, family now can be a household where the grandparents or aunts/uncles raise children. Even more common is a "single-parent" household. Families also include same sex parents.
 I consider all of these family. Basically, to me, family is anyone that has your back. That will be there for you no matter what. Whether they are related to you by blood or not. 
I have an adult friend in her 40s, (I have her permission to discuss this without using names), that just recently discovered that her dad is not her biological father. Does that make him any less her dad? To me it doesn't. She has now met her biological father and some of his(her?) family members now and she was left confused by the whole situation. She knows that they are biologically related. But, she doesn't feel a connection with them since she doesn't know them. Are THEY her family? Yes, and no, I guess. It depends on your/her definition of what family is, I suppose. In my opinion, they would just be her acquaintances unless she chooses to get to know them further. Maybe one day she will see them as her family. Right now, she does not.  

So, as you can, there are so many variables to "the family" dynamic. What do YOU consider family?? I welcome your opinions. 

Stars Can't Shine Without Darkness

People around the world are still reeling from the unexpected death of legendary actor and comedian Robin Williams. He was found dead Monday, August 11, of an apparent suicide. Most of the world was shocked by this. We knew that he had battled drug addictions over the years. But overall, he "seemed" so healthy and happy. 

Welcome to the world of depression and mental illness, folks. Others see you as completely happy and "together". But those suffering from mental illness are fighting a battle within themselves. A battle from the feelings of isolation, loneliness, desperation and utter hopelessness. Often people don't seek help because they don't want to burden those around them. Their mind is skewed. They can't always see that they need help. So they fight this battle alone, until they reach a breaking point of no return and do the unthinkable. 

Suicide is NOT a selfish act for sufferers of mental illness. In their minds, they have burdened their loved ones so much that suicide becomes a selfLESS act to them. All they know is that they are hurting so much on the inside and they want the pain to stop. They want their pain to stop. They want the pain to stop that they believe they are causing others. So suicide becomes their only option. 

People that don't suffer mental illness will never understand what it's like to suffer from chronic depression. Just like, unless you're in a wheelchair, or have cancer, you can't truly understand that. But a little empathy goes a long way. You can't just pray it away. You can't just "decide to be happy" and POOF! You're happy again. Depression doesn't work like that. If it did, it wouldn't be a disease. 750,000 people attempt suicide every year. 30,000 will succeed. It's real folks. Depression is real! Educate yourself. Chances are, with those numbers, you know someone that has tried, or succeeded to commit suicide. Maybe it was you that tried.

We can help each other though! There are signs that you can look for. 

50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. 

Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present.

Reach out to survivors of suicide. Practice using the words "suicide" and "depression" so that they roll off the tongue as easily as "unicorns" and "bubble gum." Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind with their hearts. And hug them every single time.

Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don't be afraid to check in over and over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or survivor's guilt.

 You can learn more about suicide and prevention at http://www.afsp.org/preventing-suicide/risk-factors-and-warning-signs

Time Flies: One Year Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my blog! Happy anniversary to my readers!! I appreciate your loyalty in my times of rambling and also in my lack of writing lately. 

If you will remember, I started writing one year ago tonight because I had just received word that my 95 year old Granny was in the hospital and the outcome was looking bleak. I live 12 hours away from family and I was uncertain if I would ever get to see my Granny again. And I just wanted a healthy way to get out all of my emotions. Here's a look at that very first blog.

I did see Granny again. In fact, I was back in NC with my family again within a few days and I spent nearly 2 weeks with Granny, willing her to get better. She hung on for me. She had several good milestones in her health. But she also had many downfalls and her health continued to decline. 

In the end, she stayed with us on this Earth for 4 more months. She passed away quietly in her sleep, surrounded by the love of all of her family on December 17, 2013. 

Admittedly, I stopped blogging after her death. Somehow, I seemed to lose the words and the inspiration to write again. Nothing seemed so important to write about anymore. I mean, Granny is the reason I started blogging to begin with. What's the point without her, right? Sometimes, I feel that way still. But, mostly I know that she would want me to find my voice again and continue on this blog journey to see where it continues to take me. 

So, here we go. Here's to another year...and here's to you, Granny. You're never too far from my thoughts. 

Life's Journey

"Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings"~~~Aerosmith, 'Amazing'

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."~~~Robert Frost, 'The Road Not Taken'
Yea. I totally just quoted an Aerosmith song AND Robert Frost...in ONE blog. Awesome, right??? Try not to be so jealous. ;-)

Over the past couple of weeks I have come to realize that life truly is a journey. Everyone's journey is different; but no less important than the next person. 

I have been through so much in the past 9 years. What I have learned is that each obstacle was truly meant to be and it brought me to this point in my life. Some of those obstacles, only a handful of people know about. I am still dealing with them and have not resolved them in my mind to properly accept them and move on. But, I'm getting there. I do wonder what they will lead to next in my life. Because, inevitably, whatever I choose to do, they WILL lead to something, whether it is positive or negative. Thus far, all of the obstacles I've overcome have had positive outcomes....obviously. I mean, I'm living the life I always wanted to live in Florida. And I am engaged to be married in December to a wonderful man. Despite all of the death and sickness and sadness that has been brought to me, I'm doing pretty well. 

As of yet, I don't know if "I took the road less traveled". I do know that I chose the road that was right for me. That's all any of us can ever do.



 Aerosmith - Amazing
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

[Chorus:]
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive
[Chorus]

Desperate hearts, desperate hearts



Robert Frost - The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood 
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.