Granny Made A Believer Out Of Me

I started blogging on August 13, 2013. That's eight months ago. I started the blog as a way to get out all of my thoughts and feelings on various topics. But more specifically, I started it as a way to pass time by because my Granny Granny was taken to the hospital that very night at the age of 95. She and the rest of my family are in North Carolina...I'm 12 hours away in Florida. And there wasn't a whole lot I could do at the time. By the end of the month, I had gotten the chance to fly to NC to see Granny and be with the rest of my family. At the time, Granny was in a rehab facility and was not doing too bad at all.

This Thursday, Granny will have been gone for 4 months. I still can't believe it's been that long. I haven't blogged in 3 months, because I started all of this because of her. When she passed away, there didn't seem to be a reason to continue it. I was wrong. I still have things to say and thoughts and issues to work through and I think blogging will help with that. Especially where Granny is concerned. There are days that are still unbearable for me. Some days I still cry for her. I thought after 4 months, it would be different. It's not. It's a little easier. But not by much. But that's not what this blog is about. That will be the next one.

I named this blog "Granny Made A Believer Out Of Me" for a reason. I am the very first one to admit that, even though I was raised in a Christian home, I grew up to have doubts (I think that's normal) about a Higher Power (insert the name God, Buddha, Allah...whatever your religion calls it) and about religion, in general. I don't remember when I started to have doubts. Just some time in my adulthood, I realized, I wasn't much of a believer and I was OK with that. Hey, it wasn't like He was showing me that He existed...or maybe He was and I was just too blind to see. 

Fast-forward to December of 2013. My Granny is so sick...and in the hospital. It's clear that she isn't going to make it. My Granny was the most Godly, woman I have ever known in my life. And she is suffering. God and I had it out. Well, okay. I had it out with God....He just listened. I could NOT understand why He allowed her to suffer...this woman that has devoted her entire life to Him...and He was allowing her to suffer in pain. He wasn't healing her and He wasn't calling her to come home with Him. If He truly existed, He wouldn't do that...would He? Maybe He was testing Granny's Will.....Or, maybe He was testing MINE through Granny.

I got to the hospital in Virginia where Granny was 3 days before she passed away. She was aware of her surroundings and surprised to see me. I ended up staying at the hospital (with several other family members) for 2 whole days...never leaving her side. I even slept next to her. As long as she was going to be there, I was too. Well, apparently a lot of us were. Several times she would wake up and see me there and tell me she loves me. And she'd squeeze my hand. Sometimes, she'd squeeze it in her sleep. One of the last times she spoke to everyone, she called out for her one and only sister. Her sister was younger and battling Alzheimer's. They had always been very close, but hadn't seen each other because of their illnesses in almost 2 years. Yet, she still called out for her sister. We learned that her sister had died that very day...and had called out for Granny too! (That still gives me chills to know that.)

Granny passed away quietly in her sleep surrounded by her family and all the love in the world that we could give her. Shortly before that, my brother was there with us. But he emotionally could not be there for that. I, on the other hand, WANTED to be there with her when she took her last breath. I was in the hallway talking on my cellphone to my boyfriend who was still in Florida at the time. And my brother was leaving the hospital to go home. There was a SEVERE thunderstorm going on that night....which is really odd for NC in December. I was telling my bf about the storm(he's from NC originally too). And we both were talking about how odd it was to have a storm going on that bad in the area. I should mention that all of her life, Granny was afraid of storms and didn't like to be alone during them. She certainly wasn't alone that night! I got off the phone and went back into the room and took my position beside Granny. I put my cellphone on her bedside table. 

Granny literally took her last breath during the largest clap of thunder of the night. At that exact time, my phone lit up. I was getting a text message. But I obviously wasn't going to reply then. It was because of my cell phone that we knew exactly what time Granny passed away...8:14pm. My cousin, (who could not be there with us) had said that he felt compelled to check in to see how Granny and I were doing. So he sent me a text...and the exact moment she past. 

Mom needed a moment to herself. So she stepped out into the hallway to be alone. As she did that, a doctor and nurse were walking by. The nurse said, "Dr _____, can you believe the thunderstorm we are having...in DECEMBER?! The Dr replied, "That's not an ordinary storm. An angel is galloping on a white horse through Heaven tonight!" Mom was dumbfounded. She was in such shock that she didn't have a chance to tell them that the angel was her mother. 

And, then, there's the picture. Mom had to take pictures of Granny's house and the furnishings for the lawyer. In the picture, there are 3 clear orbs...each of different sizes. One for Granny. One for Papa. And one for Melvin, their son that died at 11 years old. 

So, yeah, Jesus, I'm a believer, now. And I have Granny to thank for that. Because all of the things above cannot be explained rationally. There has to be a Higher Power at work here. Thank you for helping me to see that, Granny. I love you. And I miss you like crazy.