Scentsy With Dawn

In March, I was reintroduced to the company Scentsy. A friend of mine was selling it and I offered to host an online party for her. I had not used Scentsy in 2 years. But through this online Facebook party, my love for the company was restored. I became a consultant a few weeks later. I have been having a blast with it! It's so fun. The home parties, the online parties, and meeting new people and introducing them to this product I love so much. I sell wickless wax warmers, wax, bath and body products, and laundry products. If you'd like to learn more, check out my website at www.scentsablydawn.scentsy.us

Ring in 2015 Safely

If you plan to be out celebrating New Year's Eve on Wednesday and plan to drink, please arrange for a designated driver to transport you. It could save your life or someone else's. In America, the American Automobile Association(AAA) in some -- not all -- communities offers a safe-ride program for members and nonmembers. To find out whether it's happening in your community, go online or call your local branch of the AAA. Please have a happy and safe new year.

Reflections of My 2014

So....I know I  have not written as much in this past year as I thought I would when I created this blog. And the truth is that I'm not sure why I have not. Many things have happened to me that inspired me to write. Yet, I just could not do it. Frozen by what others would think or say about what I have written about that's going on in my life. If you know me personally, you know that I usually don't care what others think of me. And maybe it's a bit deeper than that. Maybe if I actually write those occurrences out, they become too real and I wouldn't be able to ignore them.  

The fact of the matter is that my year did  not begin on January 1, 2014 like yours did. My year began December 17, 2013....That's the date my grandmother died. It pretty much set the tone for my entire 2014. From that date on my life has changed drastically and continues to change. Sure, I have had some wonderful things happen to me. Just this month I got married to the love of my life and I have never been happier. But even with that comes a bit of sadness brought on by things I've had to endure this year. 

I wish I didn't have to be so vague. I wish that I could discuss it freely with you. But I can't. Not right now anyway. And the fact of the matter is, I have family members that don't even know what I have dealt with this year. So, why would I tell you before them? I would not. 

Well, this turned out to be less of a reflection of my 2014 and more of a rambling session. Well....the title of my blog IS Ramblings of a Tarheel Girl in a Seminole State, ya know. Anyway, stay happy...stay safe...stay healthy in 2015. If you promise to do that, I promise to keep you informed more about my life. 

Spina Bifida Awareness Month Ends Today, But Not Spina Bifida

October is Spina Bifida (aka, SB) awareness month. I had high hopes for advocating and creating awareness for it this month, after all, it's the disability I was born with. I started off the month strong, posting blogs and posting on all the different forms of social media. I even had celebs to retweet my blog! Then halfway through the month, I travelled to my hometown and was pretty busy for more than 2 weeks...then I came down with a horrendous sinus cold that I still have. All of that hindered me a great deal from spreading awareness. That saddens me. Because SB is still overshadowed by other disabilities and more well known afflictions. Yet, Spina Bifida occurs more frequently than Muscular Dystrophy, Multiple Sclerosis and Cystic Fibrosis....more than all three of those----COMBINED.

So, while my educating for a worthy cause dear to my heart stopped, the SB didn't. I still have it. It didn't go away. It never will. I will have SB and be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. And, quite frankly, Im okay with that. I don't suffer from SB. It suffers from me. 

But just for shits and giggles, let's discuss what SB is and how it affects me. The short answer is that it doesn't really affect me at all. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am one badass chick. But, I digress. Here's my SB story:

I am 39 years old and was born with myelomeningocele ( thats pronounced as Milo, my ninja seal) at the L1, L2 region of my spine. This means that the Spina Bifida lesion on my spine is in the lumbar region at the 1st and 2nd vertebrae. I am paralyzed from my knees down. I use to walk with leg braces and crutches until they started to cause pressure sores, or blisters, on my feet. So I decided in 1991 to just use my wheelchair permanently. I don't regret that at all. For me, it is what it is. Braces or wheelchair---for me, it doesn't matter how I get around as long as I do. And actually, my wheelchair gives me a certain level of speed and  independence that braces never did.

In 1975, they didn't really have the technology they do today with ultrasounds and such. So no one knew that I would be born with SB until I was actually born. I still moved around inside mom's belly just like my brothers did before me. They don't have SB, by the way. At birth, the lesion in my spine was repaired as much as possible and my back was sewn shut. I developed hydrocephalus when I was 10 days old and a Ventriculoperitoneal Shunt(VP Shunt) was put in place on the 11th day. It was revised again before I was a yr old and hasn't been  revised or used since. I still have the same shunt today and it's still not in use. In all, I have had over 50 operations in my life. Literally from head (the shunt) to toe (to straighten my big toe) and everywhere in between. However, I don't have that many scars. Some of the surgeries were redone. Because of so many hospital stays and doctor visits, I am severely allergic to ALL latex products and a few latex related foods.

I went to school just like everyone else and had someone assist me in getting to my classes and with carrying my books until my senior year when I chose to go at it alone. I never had any of the comprehension or learning issues that are common with SB. In fact, I was an A & B honor roll student with the occasional C in math, which actually COULD be contributed with some of the SB comprehension issues. No one ever ostracized me or teased me because of my disability (that I know of, anyway!) and I always had a ton of friends...still do to this day. Socializing is something that has always come very easy for me.

Now for all the yucky personal stuff related to Spina Bifida. YES!!! I CAN have sex. I have been told that women with SB have multiple orgasms easier and more frequently than women without SB. I don't know if it's true. I only know of my experiences, of which I will not go into detail. All my life, I have dealt with the urinary and fecal incontinence that is so common with SB. Urinary incontinence is most often controlled by using a urinary catheter and inserting it into the bladder to empty it of urine. I do this every 4 or 5 hours. Fecal incontinence...Ugh.....no one likes talking about shit, right???? Oh well, Its a must in this case. Yes, I suffer through it as well. People with SB often lack the ability of being able to "hold it" when they have a bowel movement. So "accidents" do occur. Yes, it can be embarrassing and it can fuck up your entire day....but Shit Happens...You deal with it and move on. I am, however, very careful about what I eat when I'm around friends and family that have not dealt with this issue to spare them of it. I do the same if I'm out somewhere and they don't have wheelchair accessible bathrooms.

So, now that you know more about Spina Bifida and ME, does it change how you see me or feel about me? Do you have questions concerning something that I didn't cover here regarding SB, disabilities or life in a wheelchair?

Now for that picture of what my back looks like today. I almost decided not to post it, but I really think it's important for you to know what we're talking about here. 

September 24, 2010

Four years ago on this date, and actually at this very moment, I was on Interstate 40 West in NC headed to Florida to start a new life with my husband. I literally didn't have a care or fear in the world. I was consumed with excitement, as I knew this was the best thing for us. Sadly, 7 weeks later on November 14, we separated for various reasons and we are now divorced. And while I do not know where he is now, I decided to stay in Florida to try and make it on my own. I didn't tell any of my family about the separation and I only told about 3 friends. I knew that if my family found out, they'd talk me into moving back to NC. I felt very strongly that Florida was where I was meant to be. In fact, I didn't tell family for nearly 8 months!! I felt THAT strongly about it. 

In those 8 months I flourished more than I ever had. I got my self esteem back and I was genuinely happy again. And I began dating again! When I finally did tell mom, she was floored! She was also quite ecstatic that I'd left my husband. My whole family was actually, but that's another story! Everyone was happy for me and realized that I needed to prove to them and myself that I could live 12 hours away without the help of family or a husband. 

As I said, it's now been 4 years. I'm still happy. And the man I started dating after my husband? Well, we're engaged and HE will be my husband in December. 

You always hear things like "God works in mysterious ways." It's true. Four years ago tonight, I thought my husband and I were headed for an amazing adventure together. But it turns out, we were headed for amazing adventures separately. I hate being a statistic of divorce. But my life is truly better than it has ever been. Yes, I miss my family "back home". But there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for that fateful trip back in 2010. It lead me to the person I now am and to Tristen, the man I now plan to spend the rest of my life with. 

There's another old saying: If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Truer words were never spoken. His plans for me were far better than anything I could have imagined for myself.

All In The Family

This one has been on my mind a lot lately. Family. What do you consider family? Is it the people you are biologically related to? Is it the friends you are closest to that you have bonded with over a period of time? Or, is it a combination of both? For me, it's a little of both, I think. I have always been close with my blood relatives...except for my Dad....you read about him in this blog. We weren't close until the last few years of his life and without a shadow of a doubt, I consider him a part of my family. But I didn't for much of my life because I just didn't know him. 

I have friends that I adore to the moon and back and I consider many of them to be my "brothers and sisters" even if we don't have the same parents. But what IS family? In many cultures the family is the parents, grandparents, kids, aunts, uncles, and children all under one roof. While, I don't think I would survive that concept, I admire the concept of it. 
In modern times, family now can be a household where the grandparents or aunts/uncles raise children. Even more common is a "single-parent" household. Families also include same sex parents.
 I consider all of these family. Basically, to me, family is anyone that has your back. That will be there for you no matter what. Whether they are related to you by blood or not. 
I have an adult friend in her 40s, (I have her permission to discuss this without using names), that just recently discovered that her dad is not her biological father. Does that make him any less her dad? To me it doesn't. She has now met her biological father and some of his(her?) family members now and she was left confused by the whole situation. She knows that they are biologically related. But, she doesn't feel a connection with them since she doesn't know them. Are THEY her family? Yes, and no, I guess. It depends on your/her definition of what family is, I suppose. In my opinion, they would just be her acquaintances unless she chooses to get to know them further. Maybe one day she will see them as her family. Right now, she does not.  

So, as you can, there are so many variables to "the family" dynamic. What do YOU consider family?? I welcome your opinions. 

Stars Can't Shine Without Darkness

People around the world are still reeling from the unexpected death of legendary actor and comedian Robin Williams. He was found dead Monday, August 11, of an apparent suicide. Most of the world was shocked by this. We knew that he had battled drug addictions over the years. But overall, he "seemed" so healthy and happy. 

Welcome to the world of depression and mental illness, folks. Others see you as completely happy and "together". But those suffering from mental illness are fighting a battle within themselves. A battle from the feelings of isolation, loneliness, desperation and utter hopelessness. Often people don't seek help because they don't want to burden those around them. Their mind is skewed. They can't always see that they need help. So they fight this battle alone, until they reach a breaking point of no return and do the unthinkable. 

Suicide is NOT a selfish act for sufferers of mental illness. In their minds, they have burdened their loved ones so much that suicide becomes a selfLESS act to them. All they know is that they are hurting so much on the inside and they want the pain to stop. They want their pain to stop. They want the pain to stop that they believe they are causing others. So suicide becomes their only option. 

People that don't suffer mental illness will never understand what it's like to suffer from chronic depression. Just like, unless you're in a wheelchair, or have cancer, you can't truly understand that. But a little empathy goes a long way. You can't just pray it away. You can't just "decide to be happy" and POOF! You're happy again. Depression doesn't work like that. If it did, it wouldn't be a disease. 750,000 people attempt suicide every year. 30,000 will succeed. It's real folks. Depression is real! Educate yourself. Chances are, with those numbers, you know someone that has tried, or succeeded to commit suicide. Maybe it was you that tried.

We can help each other though! There are signs that you can look for. 

50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. 

Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present.

Reach out to survivors of suicide. Practice using the words "suicide" and "depression" so that they roll off the tongue as easily as "unicorns" and "bubble gum." Listen as they tell their stories. Hold their hands. Be kind with their hearts. And hug them every single time.

Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don't be afraid to check in over and over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or survivor's guilt.

 You can learn more about suicide and prevention at http://www.afsp.org/preventing-suicide/risk-factors-and-warning-signs