How Disability Memes Downplay Our Culture

First off, I'm going to preface this post by saying you can share it if you want; you don't even have to ask. Just don't copy/paste it. Beware that it will undoubtedly have strong language!

I've seen the following pictures no less than 5 times this week and they're all problematic for me as a disabled person. Let me explain.

The 1st picture is supposed to be a dig on today's millennial generation or whatever TF they are called today. Basically those under the age of 30---which, technically isn't all of the millennials, by the way. That goes up to age 37. I digress, let's assume it indeed means the 20-somethings and younger. The fact that people don't know how to write in cursive isnt their fault. The school system is failing them and so are their parents/guardians. You can't blame an entire generation for something they were never taught by their superiors. But that's not even the thing that bothers me. I abhor the word "cripple". But even that isn't bothering me. In this instance, it's actually grammatically correct. It's the fact that you want to immobilize a group of people simply for their inability to drive a stick shift. Know who else can't drive a stick shift? The disability community. This meme says to me that you wish to immobilize or get rid of us because you see us as inferior people since most of us can't drive a stick shift. That's preposterous! A stick shift isn't the standard to which someone should be held. Neither is writing in cursive. So stop sharing this bullshit meme.

The 2nd picture is nothing less than inspiration porn. Inspiration porn is the portrayal of disabled people as inspirational solely on the basis of their disability. Basically, you're inspired by a disabled person simply for doing normal every day things. A common phrase I see that's inspiration porn is: "Theres no disability except a bad attitude." That is fucking insulting and its bullshit. There's hundreds of disabilities and it's okay to have them. I don't live my life to inspire others simply because I get out of bed every day instead of slitting my wrists for being in a wheelchair. I can do damn near everything (if not everything you can) and it's not in spite of my disability. Just like you, it's because I want to. My life is actually pretty phenomenal these days, but it's not inspiring. And it's not inspiring that the guy is holding an umbrella for the girl in the wheelchair. Maybe it's her friend, brother, cousin, husband, boyfriend, etc and he's just fucking being nice. The people I see sharing this assume that he's a stranger helping the poor, defenseless damsel in distress. Even if he is a stranger, so what? I hope he would do the same for anyone, wheelchair or not. You know...just to be a decent human being without feeling pity for someone that doesn't need it. What bothers me is the photographer. He/she obviously saw this only as a feel good "awww" moment. It's not. It's just 2 human beings going about their day in the rain. So stop sharing the bullshit inspiration porn memes.

That 3rd meme is spot on! Finally, someone got it right! I can't tell you how many times someone hasn't wanted to talk to me about their shitty day/experience simply because they think I have it worse. We ALL have shitty things to happen to us. Mine are no better or worse than yours. They're just different. Don't be dismissive about what you are going through just because you think I (or someone else) am going through worse. Open up to me or to someone else. You don't have to suffer in silence. We can empathize together. ❤

1(800)273-8255 or text TALK to 741741

On May 30th, I posted a status on my thoughts regarding Roseanne Barr. You guys blew it up with your comments and support. Maggie, you suggested that I do a weekly commentary on events. So, here I am again. In the beginning, I had no idea what to discuss on a weekly basis, but I figured it would work itself out; and it has. I intended to write this a couple of days ago. But, I kept getting pulled away from it. Now I understand why. 
This past Tuesday, famed designer Kate Spade committed suicide. Today, it was celebrity chef and host Anthony Bourdain. The ignorance on social media has been overwhelming. 
No one just decides on a whim to commit suicide. NO ONE! Literally every one I know of that has killed themselves has done so because of a mental or physical illness. Congratulations if you don't understand that. That means you don't suffer from an illness that you can't escape from. Your joy isn't sucked out of your every waking moment by some demon that won't let go. Consider yourself lucky. 
Suicide is not a selfish thing. I don't think you heard me. Let me say it again. SUICIDE IS NOT A SELFISH THING. Some of you still didn't hear that. I digress. Someone that commits suicide does it because they think LIVING is selfish. They truly believe that they are a burden to their family, friends, and society. Depression lies. 
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and each year nearly 45,000 people die from suicide. And that is up 25% from 20 years ago. But, that's just a lot of selfish people, right? For every "successful" suicide, there are 25 attempts. If you think that, you're an ignorant asshole. Men die by suicide 3.53x more often than women.
Let's look at other *statistics: 
On average, there are 123 suicides per day.
White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2016.
Firearms account for 51% of all suicides in 2016.
The rate of suicide is highest in middle age — white men in particular.
Firearms were the most common method of death by suicide, accounting for a little more than half (51.01%) of all suicide deaths. The next most common methods were suffocation (including hangings) at 25.89% and poisoning at 14.90%.
There is no single cause for suicide. Suicide most often occurs when stress and health issues combine to create an experience of hopelessness and despair. Depression is the most common condition associated with suicide, and it is often undiagnosed or untreated. Conditions like depression, anxiety and substance problems, especially when untreated, increase risk for suicide. Yet it’s important to note that most people who actively manage their mental health conditions can go on to live a full life. 
Often, an individual that has decided to commit suicide just cannot see past their own mental or physical pain. They only know that they are in despair RIGHT NOW. They can't even comprehend that tomorrow night be better. So, they do what is unthinkable to many of us. 
I think in recent years, celebrity suicide has taught us that it's not a "poor person's" mentality. Suicide and mental illness affects everyone. It doesn't matter what your bank account says...what your gender, sexual orientation or race is. It just doesn't. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It's not a personal failure to suffer from mental illness and need help. We need to stop the stigma. 
Mental illness and it's many forms(PTSD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, ADHD, schizophrenia, OCD, autism, and MANY OTHERS) can affect anyone at any time! If you're shocked that celebrities like Chester Bennington, Kate Spade, and Anthony Bourdain can be mentally ill and commit suicide because they "are rich and have everything", you do not understand the depths of mental illness. I urge you to research it. Look for signs in your loved ones. Reach out to them and don't give up. 
*Risk factors are characteristics that make it more likely that someone will consider, attempt, or die by suicide. They can't cause or predict a suicide attempt, but they're important to be aware of.
Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, and certain personality disorders
Alcohol and other substance use disorders
Hopelessness
Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies
History of trauma or abuse
Major physical illnesses
Previous suicide attempt(s)
Family history of suicide
Job or financial loss
Loss of relationship(s)
Easy access to lethal means
Local clusters of suicide
Lack of social support and sense of isolation
Stigma associated with asking for help
Lack of healthcare, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment
Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)
*Some warning signs may help you determine if a loved one is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. If you or someone you know exhibits any of these, seek help by calling the Lifeline.

Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or isolating themselves
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Extreme mood swings
Finally, if YOU need help in ANY way, call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1(800)273-8255. Or you can text TALK to 741741. If you don't want to do that, please contact me. If you don't have my phone number, send me a private message and I will give it to you. You don't have to go through anything alone. And you don't have to be ashamed to talk to someone and seek help. 

#KateSpade #AnthonyBourdain
#depressionlies #NeverAlone 
#notweak
#mentalillness #stopthestigma
#suicide #anxiety 

*information gathered from https://afsp.org/about-suicide/

Roseanne, Freedom of Speech, & Its Consequences

Everyone is giving their opinions on Roseanne. Many are stating that her freedom of speech was violated. It wasn't. She freely exercised her freedom of speech. What the First Amendment doesn't guarantee is the freedom from the consequences of what you speak or write. That being said, I'm about to exercise my First Amendment right. I'm not free from consequences either. So, if you're so hurt or offended by anything I say, go ahead and unfollow, unfriend, or block me. If my opinion threatens you so much that you can't bear to still be friends with me either in real life or on social media, do your duty. But, you all speak yours every day and I rarely say a thing. It's my turn now; since I was asked. 
Roseanne had it coming. She made racist statements on a public forum. If ANY of you do that, and your boss sees it, you'll be fired too. I suspect she may have actually violated the fine print in her contract. 
There are those calling for other shows to be cancelled and stating this is hypocrisy at its finest because this show was cancelled and not others. So, let's talk hypocrisy. Why can Trump make all kinds of inflammatory remarks and NEVER have anything done to him? What about that hypocrisy? I don't watch shows like The View or whatever Bill Maher is on. So, I don't know those specifics. I obviously can't express an opinion on them. But why are you so worked up over other shows and not that Roseanne made RACIST STATEMENTS ON TWITTER?  Sure, it happens all the time. That doesn't mean it's right or okay. Ask yourselves what is most important here. 
BUT SHE APOLOGIZED, DAWN! 
Well, if I call you a cunt and then say I'm sorry after receiving backlash, does that make it okay? We still gone be good? Likely not. I don't believe her apology was heartfelt. She received backlash and knew the show was being pulled. THEN she apologized. 
WHAT ABOUT THE AMBIEN? 
Listen, Ambien makes you do some CRAZY shit...ask several of my friends. But what it's not gonna do is make you racist or say racist things. 
I FEEL BAD FOR THE CAST/CREW
Maybe I'm the cunt because I don't care. It's Hollywood. One day you have a job. The next you don't. They'll be fine and get work elsewhere. But I don't feel bad because they knew who they were dealing with. They should have expected an explosion of some kind. She has been in the limelight since the mid 80s and she's been a vile, disgusting woman ever since. This is nothing new. You don't just change that behavior. 
In summation, I don't give 2 shits about Roseanne or her show. I didn't like her or the show in the 80s and I don't like the 2.0 version. No, I dont stand by her or with her. To do so is to condone her actions and I'll never do that. Yes, I hear there may be a spinoff of the show with the other cast members but excluding Roseanne. Nope. Probably won't watch that either. 

Come at me.

I'm Sexual, But Not Asexual

Last year, I wrote a blog for an online organization that focuses on empowering people with disabilities to lead happy, healthy sexual lives. For whatever reason, they didn't use my entry even though they still paid me. I want people to still be able to see it so that it can possibly help someone. Here it is in its entirety, though I updated my current age😊: 

I was born with Spina Bifida. As a result, I am paralyzed from my knees down and I use a wheelchair full time. Growing up, and even now, in my early 40s, I have come to realize that many in society deem the disability community as asexual, or unable to have sexual relationships or any form of intimacy. Because of this, there are also many within the disability community that feel this way about themselves… or they are ashamed to be seen as sexual or sexy.

I can still remember the first time I had “the talk” with mom. It was actually a forced situation. I was about 9 years old and we were at one of my Spina Bifida clinics that I attended every 6 months. It was right around the time that I was learning to catheterize, and one of the nurses asked mom if she had talked to me about sex, menstrual cycles and all of the related topics. In the nurse’s eyes, it was the perfect time since I was learning about my ‘nether region’ to get this catheterizing thing down pat. Mom, however, was taken aback. The nurse said, “You do realize that your daughter can have sex, don’t you?!” Mom wasn’t actually disputing that. Her only reply was that I was too young for either of us to think about that. Like I said, I was about 9 at the time and this was in the early 1980s. I was the youngest child of 3 – the only girl - and mom was divorced, taking care of all of us. To say she was protective of me is an understatement. Still, we went home and had “the talk” later that day. It was brutal, as you can imagine. Remember YOUR first sex talk?

As a kid, I never actually thought about it. I just knew that I would grow up and have lots of boyfriends, eventually get married, and someday have kids. Just like all of my friends thought of themselves. It wasn’t until junior high that I began to realize that may not happen. I had PLENTY of friends… male and female. But no one was asking me out on dates. My only conclusion was that it was because of my disability. Even back then, people would ask me if I could have kids “the natural way” and when I said yes, they were shocked. I was becoming aware that people didn’t see me that way. Today, I’m 42 and I still get those questions and the shocked looks when I reply that I can.

I was 18 before I got my first boyfriend. We met my senior year of high school. And no, he does not have any disabilities. That seems to be a common misconception too…that we only date within our community. He was the person I lost my virginity to and we are married today. I was so incredibly shy about dating and guys when he finally came around. It took meeting him and falling in love with him for me to grasp that I can be a sexual person and not “asexual”. That I can be sexy---if only in his eyes. He broke me out of the shell that society had put me into so many years ago.

Admittedly, it’s a shell that I work hard to stay out of. When I fall back into the trappings that society seems comfortable putting me in, he’s right there by my side reminding me that I am my own person and I can do whatever I want with my body, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

Valentine's Day

I don't want you guys to get hung up on this day, whether or not you are in a romantic relationship. Love is love. You don't have to have a significant other in order to enjoy today. I know you're sitting there reading this thinking, "sure. That's easy for you to say. You're married!" But, I haven't always been! To me, Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love, period. Love for our family, friends, and anyone else special to us. If you don't have a significant other in your life, you still have plenty of love to give others in your life, I bet! Concentrate on that. Enjoy the love of your friends, your parents, your siblings, your children, aunts, uncles, etc. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, hospital, nursing home, or animal shelter and give them your love. And don't just do it today. Do it every day or as often as you can. Today, for me is just a reminder to not take those we love for granted. And, since it's the beginning of Lent, it's a great time to incorporate that into our lives on a regular basis. Tristen is working today and won't be home until nearly 10pm tonight. So our "Valentine's Day" will be Friday. We pretty much show our love for one another every day. So we don't need a specific day for it. If you are still feeling down in the dumps today(or any day, for that matter), please let me know. I'll do whatever I can do to try to talk you through it. Love yourself.

Just Thinking Out Loud

Seven years ago today, I put a deposit down on an apartment in Tampa Florida. I was staying with my cousin for 3 days just to find something. I was on a mission it seemed. It's often creepy to me just how badly I felt like I HAD to be here. Now I know that it was to find my future husband...the man I am married to today. It's also eerie to me that had it not been for my cousin letting me stay with him in 2002 for a couple of weeks, I wouldn't be here at all. That vacation led up to me wanting to find a place here 7 years ago. And led to me living here happily for the past 7 years with the man I love. I don't know what the future holds for us, as far as if we will live in Tampa forever or move to another city. But today's "anniversary" just spoke to me in a way that I needed to ramble on about it. I don't write often anymore. I'm too busy with my business. I miss writing ... and reading, for that matter. So, if you are reading this, I appreciate your loyalty.

Some Things Are Just Meant To Be

January 3rd, 1994 is the first day I ever remember laying eyes on the man that would eventually become my husband. We were in the 2nd semester of my senior year of high school. His junior year. It was the very first day of the semester....4th period....Advanced Biology class. I say that it was the first day I remember, because he says we actually met in passing briefly during the 1st semester. I have no recollection of that happening. So maybe God was thinking, " I have placed your soulmate in your presence, and you didn't even notice. Let Me try again." 

I was sitting in the front row of class when he walked in. I noticed him instantly. I don't know why. I think was just watching to see who would be in the class and to see if I knew anyone walking in. I noticed his style more than anything. Today, it would probably be called "metro-sexual". Then, it was "preppy". A white button up shirt that was tucked into a pair of nicely fitting jeans and a pair of Sebago shoes. The shirt was such a pale white and so thin, you could actually see through it. I wondered, briefly, if he was actually gay. He was just too cute. I brushed the thought out of my mind as the next student walked in. I don't remember who it was. 

Roll Call. I learned his name. Why was I ACTUALLY paying attention to find out HIS name? Geesh, Dawn. Get a hold of yourself!!! After roll call, the teacher started by putting us in groups of 4. This would be our group for the remainder of the year and we'd work with this group for all of our projects and labs. My best friend since 4th grade was in my group. Another friend since 8th grade was in my group. One more is needed. The teacher called HIS name! Wait, what?! I get to work with him, closely the rest of the year and actually get to know him??? WOW!!! 

Fast forward to the end of the year....about 6 months later. I REALLY like him....so much so that I start to panic about graduating and not seeing him every day again. Forever. I don't know what to do about that. I'm too shy to actually DO anything(I was back then, anyway....I thought). I had worked in the counseling office at the receptionist desk in years past. After graduation, they actually called me to see if I could help during the summer after I graduated because they were short of the help. YES....YESS! OF COURSE I WILL HELP!!! I mean, sure....yeah....that's cool. 

Since he was an upcoming senior, he was among the first students to come into the counseling office to make changes to his schedule. We chatted for a bit. He spoke to a counselor and left. Dammit, Dawn! You had one job and you blew it!!! Ah....but I didn't! Turns out, he had to make a 2nd appointment and come back! I was ready the 2nd time around. I checked his file to make sure I was giving him the correct one. I may or may not have noticed his phone number on the file. As I was handing him the file, I handed him a letter that I had written the day before. I really don't remember what it said. But I know I poured my heart out. I ended up calling him later that day. 

We started dating that summer of 1994 and dated for 5 years until Fate separated us again in 1999. I thought that was it, I always knew that he was the love of my life. I think I fell in love with him the day he walked into our class and I can't explain that. Some things aren't easily explained. Certainly not what happened next. I moved to Florida in 2010 with the man that I went on to marry in 2006, It didnt work out and we separated just 7 weeks later. A few months after that, I literally ran into my soulmate again. The man from my science class in 1994. 

We've been together ever since and are now married. Some things really are meant to be.