Our Freckles is 13 years old. I've had her since she was a puppy, long before Tristen and I got back together. She's more than a dog to me. She's literally my baby. she's been with me through several moves, 2 marriages, a divorce, and countless medical issues of my own since I am a fulltime wheelchair user. Saturday - December 29th, she began inexplicably making guttural noises and coughing up blood. We took her to the after hours emergency vet where she was diagnosed with an oronasal fistula and a heart murmur. She will need surgery. Admittedly, we can't afford this. I desperately need your help. I don't yet know what the final cost will be. But animal hospitals are not cheap. Please help in any way you can. When I need to adjust the goal amount, I will. This is just a starting point because I have no idea yet how much this will cost.
https://www.facebook.com/donate/387309928510262/?fundraiser_source=external_url
Wednesday, January 2, 2019
Sunday, October 14, 2018
LIVE Facebook Spina Bifida Q&A
I HAVE SEVERAL SPINA BIFIDA/WHEELCHAIR/DISABILITY QUESTIONS YOU SENT ME TO ANSWER. YOU CAN SEND ME MORE DURING THE LIVE BROADCAST. And yes, you can share this!
https://www.facebook.com/scentsablydawn75/videos/10155858955861547/?comment_id=10155859876286547¬if_id=1539491962677299¬if_t=video_comment
https://www.facebook.com/scentsablydawn75/videos/10155858955861547/?comment_id=10155859876286547¬if_id=1539491962677299¬if_t=video_comment
Sunday, September 30, 2018
#metoo and #whyididntreportit
This one has been a long time coming from me. Each time I see a news story or social media post regarding a celebrity or political figure that is accused of sexual assault, it quite literally makes my stomach turn and I become nauseated. The past 2-3 years have become more and more brutal for me as it seems every day a new celebrity/political figure is accused. Some of the women, in fact, most of them, I do believe. Yet, there are those I simply do not. So, please don't think I am going to jump on the sexual assault bandwagon and believe every story I believe. I know there are some shady women out there that just want attention and money. That being said, I believe Christine Blasey Ford. I believe the countless women who accused Bill Cosby and a few other celebrities that have been accused in the past 2 years. I just do not think any woman will go through so much scrutiny, deal with death threats against her and her family, and never back down if she's lying. Dr. Ford simply believes that anyone capable of sexual assault (even if it was 35 years ago) shouldn't be able to have a seat on the bench of the highest court in the land. There are those saying because it happened so long ago and there have been no current allegations, it should be left alone. He was a young boy that just didn't know better. Did you, then, assault someone as a young boy/man? No? Why not? It's not a big deal, right? Did a young boy assault your mom? Your sister? Your daughter? Your wife? YourSELF? Is it still okay? After all, he's a boy/young man raging with hormones and didn't know any better, right? If you think it's okay for Kavanaugh or Cosby, you're telling the women in your life that it's okay if they experience the same things. It's not okay. It's never okay. In the case of Bill Cosby, he actually admitted in a sworn deposition that he drugged women with the sole purpose of having sex with him and some of yall STILL don't believe it!!
Sexual assault is not a political situation. Please stop making it one. It occurs to people from all walks of life and all over the world. It doesn't matter if someone is straight or LGBTQIAA. Wealthy or poor. Religious affiliation is of no consequence. Race doesn't matter. Age doesn't matter. Gender does not matter. In the U.S alone., one in three women and one in six men have experienced some form of contact sexual assault in their lifetime.*
Brett Kavanaugh has used the excuse(among others), that he couldn't have assaulted Ford because he was a virgin at the time. First of all, I do not believe that he was a virgin. But, let me explain sexual assault and harassment. Sexual assault is ANY act in which a person sexually touches another person without permission, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in ANY sexual activity against their own free will. It is a type of sexual violence which can include rape(oral, vaginal or anal), drug or alcohol induced sexual assault, sexually groping/touching/fondling, child sexual abuse and/or torture of a person in any sexual manner. Simply speaking, it is ANY unwanted sexual activity. Sexual harassment can include “offensive remarks about a person’s sex, unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors. Therefore, if Kavanaugh was truly a virgin, he still was quite capable of performing many forms of sexual assault and harassment.
'It was 35 years ago. Why didn't she report it then?' First of all, she discussed it in earlier therapy sessions. So, it's not like she never mentioned it. Women often DON'T report sexual assault. Men report being victimized even less than women. There is the stigma of being shamed and not believed. Also, the fear of the repercussions from coming forward often leads people to stay silent. Victims don't want to go through the emotional lows of reliving the experience every time. Doing so is very much like going through the assault again. It's such an emotional experience, victims sometimes just want to do their best to forget it happened. But, you can't forget, no matter how hard you try to push it out of your memory. It's always there in the back of the mind.
'She's lying because she can't remember key details regarding the "alleged assault"'. Let me tell you a little story. The first time I was abused by JP, I remember where I was spending the night (at a family friend's house). I remember said friend went upstairs to watch An Officer and a Gentleman. I fucking hate that movie now. I remember that I stayed downstairs to play Donkey Kong on the Atari. I remember I had to turn it off because JP wanted to watch the news. I remember the key story on the news that night was about a little girl that was raped in Chapel Hill NC. JP started groping and fondling my body and I was terrified. But, I didn't scream for help. Why? I honestly don't know. I was so scared of what he might do to me or someone being mad at ME. I pushed his hands away, but he continued. I was stunned. He asked me if I knew what rape was and I said yes, believing that I would be raped at that moment...yet, I was still unable to yell for the family friend(Let's call her EFP). PJP didn't rape me. I don't know why. But that was the first time of several over the next 5 years that he assaulted me. Each time, he threatened me so that I would be too afraid to speak up and it worked. I remember that I was wearing corduroy pants and actually being glad that I was wearing them instead of a skirt or dress. I don't remember what day of the week it was. I don't remember the time, only that it was dark. I don't remember the month. I only remember that school wasn't in session. So it must have been sometime between June and September. I don't remember anymore how many times he assaulted me. I now only remember 3 times. But I know there were many more.
The second time, again I was with EFP. Unfortunately, this time, we went to her parent's house, as we had done so many times before. She had to help her mom with something and would only be a little while. Dukes of Hazzard was on TV in the living room where I was sitting on the couch. I fucking hate that show now too. It's no wonder I don't know which is Bo or Luke. JP was sitting in his chair on the left side of the room telling me how pretty he thinks I am. I ignored him. I pretended to be fixing something on my leg braces. He wanted to "show me something". I knew exactly what he wanted to show me. I could see in my peripheral vision where his hands were. I didn't want to see it. I told him I'd look in a minute, but that I needed to fix my leg brace. I never looked. Eventually, he got bored waiting for me and went into another room. Or maybe he was pissed off. I don't know. EFP and his wife were in the kitchen the whole time. I no longer remember what I was wearing that day. He was wearing bib overalls. He always wore bib overalls. I don't remember what day or month it was.
The last time I remember him assaulting me was my 13th birthday party. Happy birthday to me, right? I was recovering from major surgery and couldn't have a real party. It was just me, mom, EFP and her parents. They went to the kitchen to get my cake. But, of course, he decided to stay with me. I thought I was safe because I was still in plain view of the others. I was drinking ginger ale out of a mason jar drinking mug with my left hand. He was sitting to my right on the couch with me. He was entirely too close. He was pinned against me actually. Mom kept watching me. I don't think she ever trusted him. Well, now I know she never did, but she trusted that if he ever hurt me, I would tell her. I didn't...for many years to come. JP decided to give me a birthday hug. He puts his left arm around me and started groping the side of my left breast the same way Bishop Charles E Ellis groped Ariana Grande at Aretha Franklin's funeral. I pushed him away and the ice in my glass clinked violently. Mom asked if I was okay. I said yes. I lied. I don't remember what day it was. I don't remember what I wore. It was September.
That was the last time I remember being assaulted by JP. After that, I actively avoided being around him. I had to do homework. I needed to take a bath...for 2 hours. I'm tired and need a nap. If I saw his faded blue station wagon, I would feel physically sick and develop anxiety. I'd make some excuse to not ever be around him again. No one questioned that.
It's been 34 years since I was first assaulted by JP. But the anxiety and fear are still there. I should have said something. I know there were other victims. I don't know if I could have prevented them. Why did I finally speak up? He died and because our families were close, I was expected to attend his funeral. For me, that was the final straw. I didn't wish to go and hear people speak of him in such a positive manner when he was a monster in my eyes. So, I told mom. She blamed herself, of course, and that's ridiculous. Right then and there she said I didn't have to go to the funeral and she wasn't going either. I told her she had to. He was the father of her best friend. She didn't go. She told EFP she regretfully couldn't get off work. But she didn't go to work. We spent that day together. We did go to visitation at his daughter's house. That was an enlightening experience for me actually. It was then that I truly learned that some people have many sides to them. His family would never know the monster I knew him to be. But I would never know the kindhearted, loving man his family claimed him to be. People that sexually assault others choose their victims carefully. They don't assault everyone. So, the ones they do not abuse just can't seem to fathom that they could ever do it. It's the same for murderers. They don't just go around killing everyone they come in contact with all willy-nilly.
I never told anyone else about the abuse except for childhood friends. I never reported it. I knew I wouldn't be believed. A huge part of me knew that if I came forward it would ruin my mom's friendship with EFP and I didn't want to do that. Sexual assault has a tendency to ruin many lives and I really didn't want that on my conscience. 34 years later, I wish I had spoken up. But I didn't and I can't change it.
Now, as I said, this is 34 years later, some of the details I've forgotten. I don't remember dates, times. I didn't keep a calendar of sexual assault events. But I assure you, it happened. nonetheless. But some of you won't believe me because I chose not to come forward when it happened. Some of you won't believe me because I don't remember everything about each assault. But, mostly some of you won't believe me because I'm a woman. And my assailant was a man.
Sexual assault is not a political situation. Please stop making it one. It occurs to people from all walks of life and all over the world. It doesn't matter if someone is straight or LGBTQIAA. Wealthy or poor. Religious affiliation is of no consequence. Race doesn't matter. Age doesn't matter. Gender does not matter. In the U.S alone., one in three women and one in six men have experienced some form of contact sexual assault in their lifetime.*
Brett Kavanaugh has used the excuse(among others), that he couldn't have assaulted Ford because he was a virgin at the time. First of all, I do not believe that he was a virgin. But, let me explain sexual assault and harassment. Sexual assault is ANY act in which a person sexually touches another person without permission, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in ANY sexual activity against their own free will. It is a type of sexual violence which can include rape(oral, vaginal or anal), drug or alcohol induced sexual assault, sexually groping/touching/fondling, child sexual abuse and/or torture of a person in any sexual manner. Simply speaking, it is ANY unwanted sexual activity. Sexual harassment can include “offensive remarks about a person’s sex, unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors. Therefore, if Kavanaugh was truly a virgin, he still was quite capable of performing many forms of sexual assault and harassment.
'It was 35 years ago. Why didn't she report it then?' First of all, she discussed it in earlier therapy sessions. So, it's not like she never mentioned it. Women often DON'T report sexual assault. Men report being victimized even less than women. There is the stigma of being shamed and not believed. Also, the fear of the repercussions from coming forward often leads people to stay silent. Victims don't want to go through the emotional lows of reliving the experience every time. Doing so is very much like going through the assault again. It's such an emotional experience, victims sometimes just want to do their best to forget it happened. But, you can't forget, no matter how hard you try to push it out of your memory. It's always there in the back of the mind.
'She's lying because she can't remember key details regarding the "alleged assault"'. Let me tell you a little story. The first time I was abused by JP, I remember where I was spending the night (at a family friend's house). I remember said friend went upstairs to watch An Officer and a Gentleman. I fucking hate that movie now. I remember that I stayed downstairs to play Donkey Kong on the Atari. I remember I had to turn it off because JP wanted to watch the news. I remember the key story on the news that night was about a little girl that was raped in Chapel Hill NC. JP started groping and fondling my body and I was terrified. But, I didn't scream for help. Why? I honestly don't know. I was so scared of what he might do to me or someone being mad at ME. I pushed his hands away, but he continued. I was stunned. He asked me if I knew what rape was and I said yes, believing that I would be raped at that moment...yet, I was still unable to yell for the family friend(Let's call her EFP). PJP didn't rape me. I don't know why. But that was the first time of several over the next 5 years that he assaulted me. Each time, he threatened me so that I would be too afraid to speak up and it worked. I remember that I was wearing corduroy pants and actually being glad that I was wearing them instead of a skirt or dress. I don't remember what day of the week it was. I don't remember the time, only that it was dark. I don't remember the month. I only remember that school wasn't in session. So it must have been sometime between June and September. I don't remember anymore how many times he assaulted me. I now only remember 3 times. But I know there were many more.
The second time, again I was with EFP. Unfortunately, this time, we went to her parent's house, as we had done so many times before. She had to help her mom with something and would only be a little while. Dukes of Hazzard was on TV in the living room where I was sitting on the couch. I fucking hate that show now too. It's no wonder I don't know which is Bo or Luke. JP was sitting in his chair on the left side of the room telling me how pretty he thinks I am. I ignored him. I pretended to be fixing something on my leg braces. He wanted to "show me something". I knew exactly what he wanted to show me. I could see in my peripheral vision where his hands were. I didn't want to see it. I told him I'd look in a minute, but that I needed to fix my leg brace. I never looked. Eventually, he got bored waiting for me and went into another room. Or maybe he was pissed off. I don't know. EFP and his wife were in the kitchen the whole time. I no longer remember what I was wearing that day. He was wearing bib overalls. He always wore bib overalls. I don't remember what day or month it was.
The last time I remember him assaulting me was my 13th birthday party. Happy birthday to me, right? I was recovering from major surgery and couldn't have a real party. It was just me, mom, EFP and her parents. They went to the kitchen to get my cake. But, of course, he decided to stay with me. I thought I was safe because I was still in plain view of the others. I was drinking ginger ale out of a mason jar drinking mug with my left hand. He was sitting to my right on the couch with me. He was entirely too close. He was pinned against me actually. Mom kept watching me. I don't think she ever trusted him. Well, now I know she never did, but she trusted that if he ever hurt me, I would tell her. I didn't...for many years to come. JP decided to give me a birthday hug. He puts his left arm around me and started groping the side of my left breast the same way Bishop Charles E Ellis groped Ariana Grande at Aretha Franklin's funeral. I pushed him away and the ice in my glass clinked violently. Mom asked if I was okay. I said yes. I lied. I don't remember what day it was. I don't remember what I wore. It was September.
That was the last time I remember being assaulted by JP. After that, I actively avoided being around him. I had to do homework. I needed to take a bath...for 2 hours. I'm tired and need a nap. If I saw his faded blue station wagon, I would feel physically sick and develop anxiety. I'd make some excuse to not ever be around him again. No one questioned that.
It's been 34 years since I was first assaulted by JP. But the anxiety and fear are still there. I should have said something. I know there were other victims. I don't know if I could have prevented them. Why did I finally speak up? He died and because our families were close, I was expected to attend his funeral. For me, that was the final straw. I didn't wish to go and hear people speak of him in such a positive manner when he was a monster in my eyes. So, I told mom. She blamed herself, of course, and that's ridiculous. Right then and there she said I didn't have to go to the funeral and she wasn't going either. I told her she had to. He was the father of her best friend. She didn't go. She told EFP she regretfully couldn't get off work. But she didn't go to work. We spent that day together. We did go to visitation at his daughter's house. That was an enlightening experience for me actually. It was then that I truly learned that some people have many sides to them. His family would never know the monster I knew him to be. But I would never know the kindhearted, loving man his family claimed him to be. People that sexually assault others choose their victims carefully. They don't assault everyone. So, the ones they do not abuse just can't seem to fathom that they could ever do it. It's the same for murderers. They don't just go around killing everyone they come in contact with all willy-nilly.
I never told anyone else about the abuse except for childhood friends. I never reported it. I knew I wouldn't be believed. A huge part of me knew that if I came forward it would ruin my mom's friendship with EFP and I didn't want to do that. Sexual assault has a tendency to ruin many lives and I really didn't want that on my conscience. 34 years later, I wish I had spoken up. But I didn't and I can't change it.
Now, as I said, this is 34 years later, some of the details I've forgotten. I don't remember dates, times. I didn't keep a calendar of sexual assault events. But I assure you, it happened. nonetheless. But some of you won't believe me because I chose not to come forward when it happened. Some of you won't believe me because I don't remember everything about each assault. But, mostly some of you won't believe me because I'm a woman. And my assailant was a man.
Thursday, August 2, 2018
How Disability Memes Downplay Our Culture
First off, I'm going to preface this post by saying you can share it if you want; you don't even have to ask. Just don't copy/paste it. Beware that it will undoubtedly have strong language!
I've seen the following pictures no less than 5 times this week and they're all problematic for me as a disabled person. Let me explain.
The 1st picture is supposed to be a dig on today's millennial generation or whatever TF they are called today. Basically those under the age of 30---which, technically isn't all of the millennials, by the way. That goes up to age 37. I digress, let's assume it indeed means the 20-somethings and younger. The fact that people don't know how to write in cursive isnt their fault. The school system is failing them and so are their parents/guardians. You can't blame an entire generation for something they were never taught by their superiors. But that's not even the thing that bothers me. I abhor the word "cripple". But even that isn't bothering me. In this instance, it's actually grammatically correct. It's the fact that you want to immobilize a group of people simply for their inability to drive a stick shift. Know who else can't drive a stick shift? The disability community. This meme says to me that you wish to immobilize or get rid of us because you see us as inferior people since most of us can't drive a stick shift. That's preposterous! A stick shift isn't the standard to which someone should be held. Neither is writing in cursive. So stop sharing this bullshit meme.
The 2nd picture is nothing less than inspiration porn. Inspiration porn is the portrayal of disabled people as inspirational solely on the basis of their disability. Basically, you're inspired by a disabled person simply for doing normal every day things. A common phrase I see that's inspiration porn is: "Theres no disability except a bad attitude." That is fucking insulting and its bullshit. There's hundreds of disabilities and it's okay to have them. I don't live my life to inspire others simply because I get out of bed every day instead of slitting my wrists for being in a wheelchair. I can do damn near everything (if not everything you can) and it's not in spite of my disability. Just like you, it's because I want to. My life is actually pretty phenomenal these days, but it's not inspiring. And it's not inspiring that the guy is holding an umbrella for the girl in the wheelchair. Maybe it's her friend, brother, cousin, husband, boyfriend, etc and he's just fucking being nice. The people I see sharing this assume that he's a stranger helping the poor, defenseless damsel in distress. Even if he is a stranger, so what? I hope he would do the same for anyone, wheelchair or not. You know...just to be a decent human being without feeling pity for someone that doesn't need it. What bothers me is the photographer. He/she obviously saw this only as a feel good "awww" moment. It's not. It's just 2 human beings going about their day in the rain. So stop sharing the bullshit inspiration porn memes.
That 3rd meme is spot on! Finally, someone got it right! I can't tell you how many times someone hasn't wanted to talk to me about their shitty day/experience simply because they think I have it worse. We ALL have shitty things to happen to us. Mine are no better or worse than yours. They're just different. Don't be dismissive about what you are going through just because you think I (or someone else) am going through worse. Open up to me or to someone else. You don't have to suffer in silence. We can empathize together. ❤
I've seen the following pictures no less than 5 times this week and they're all problematic for me as a disabled person. Let me explain.
The 1st picture is supposed to be a dig on today's millennial generation or whatever TF they are called today. Basically those under the age of 30---which, technically isn't all of the millennials, by the way. That goes up to age 37. I digress, let's assume it indeed means the 20-somethings and younger. The fact that people don't know how to write in cursive isnt their fault. The school system is failing them and so are their parents/guardians. You can't blame an entire generation for something they were never taught by their superiors. But that's not even the thing that bothers me. I abhor the word "cripple". But even that isn't bothering me. In this instance, it's actually grammatically correct. It's the fact that you want to immobilize a group of people simply for their inability to drive a stick shift. Know who else can't drive a stick shift? The disability community. This meme says to me that you wish to immobilize or get rid of us because you see us as inferior people since most of us can't drive a stick shift. That's preposterous! A stick shift isn't the standard to which someone should be held. Neither is writing in cursive. So stop sharing this bullshit meme.
The 2nd picture is nothing less than inspiration porn. Inspiration porn is the portrayal of disabled people as inspirational solely on the basis of their disability. Basically, you're inspired by a disabled person simply for doing normal every day things. A common phrase I see that's inspiration porn is: "Theres no disability except a bad attitude." That is fucking insulting and its bullshit. There's hundreds of disabilities and it's okay to have them. I don't live my life to inspire others simply because I get out of bed every day instead of slitting my wrists for being in a wheelchair. I can do damn near everything (if not everything you can) and it's not in spite of my disability. Just like you, it's because I want to. My life is actually pretty phenomenal these days, but it's not inspiring. And it's not inspiring that the guy is holding an umbrella for the girl in the wheelchair. Maybe it's her friend, brother, cousin, husband, boyfriend, etc and he's just fucking being nice. The people I see sharing this assume that he's a stranger helping the poor, defenseless damsel in distress. Even if he is a stranger, so what? I hope he would do the same for anyone, wheelchair or not. You know...just to be a decent human being without feeling pity for someone that doesn't need it. What bothers me is the photographer. He/she obviously saw this only as a feel good "awww" moment. It's not. It's just 2 human beings going about their day in the rain. So stop sharing the bullshit inspiration porn memes.
That 3rd meme is spot on! Finally, someone got it right! I can't tell you how many times someone hasn't wanted to talk to me about their shitty day/experience simply because they think I have it worse. We ALL have shitty things to happen to us. Mine are no better or worse than yours. They're just different. Don't be dismissive about what you are going through just because you think I (or someone else) am going through worse. Open up to me or to someone else. You don't have to suffer in silence. We can empathize together. ❤
Friday, June 8, 2018
1(800)273-8255 or text TALK to 741741
On May 30th, I posted a status on my thoughts regarding Roseanne Barr. You guys blew it up with your comments and support. Maggie, you suggested that I do a weekly commentary on events. So, here I am again. In the beginning, I had no idea what to discuss on a weekly basis, but I figured it would work itself out; and it has. I intended to write this a couple of days ago. But, I kept getting pulled away from it. Now I understand why.
This past Tuesday, famed designer Kate Spade committed suicide. Today, it was celebrity chef and host Anthony Bourdain. The ignorance on social media has been overwhelming.
No one just decides on a whim to commit suicide. NO ONE! Literally every one I know of that has killed themselves has done so because of a mental or physical illness. Congratulations if you don't understand that. That means you don't suffer from an illness that you can't escape from. Your joy isn't sucked out of your every waking moment by some demon that won't let go. Consider yourself lucky.
Suicide is not a selfish thing. I don't think you heard me. Let me say it again. SUICIDE IS NOT A SELFISH THING. Some of you still didn't hear that. I digress. Someone that commits suicide does it because they think LIVING is selfish. They truly believe that they are a burden to their family, friends, and society. Depression lies.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and each year nearly 45,000 people die from suicide. And that is up 25% from 20 years ago. But, that's just a lot of selfish people, right? For every "successful" suicide, there are 25 attempts. If you think that, you're an ignorant asshole. Men die by suicide 3.53x more often than women.
Let's look at other *statistics:
On average, there are 123 suicides per day.
White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2016.
Firearms account for 51% of all suicides in 2016.
The rate of suicide is highest in middle age — white men in particular.
Firearms were the most common method of death by suicide, accounting for a little more than half (51.01%) of all suicide deaths. The next most common methods were suffocation (including hangings) at 25.89% and poisoning at 14.90%.
There is no single cause for suicide. Suicide most often occurs when stress and health issues combine to create an experience of hopelessness and despair. Depression is the most common condition associated with suicide, and it is often undiagnosed or untreated. Conditions like depression, anxiety and substance problems, especially when untreated, increase risk for suicide. Yet it’s important to note that most people who actively manage their mental health conditions can go on to live a full life.
Often, an individual that has decided to commit suicide just cannot see past their own mental or physical pain. They only know that they are in despair RIGHT NOW. They can't even comprehend that tomorrow night be better. So, they do what is unthinkable to many of us.
I think in recent years, celebrity suicide has taught us that it's not a "poor person's" mentality. Suicide and mental illness affects everyone. It doesn't matter what your bank account says...what your gender, sexual orientation or race is. It just doesn't. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It's not a personal failure to suffer from mental illness and need help. We need to stop the stigma.
Mental illness and it's many forms(PTSD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, ADHD, schizophrenia, OCD, autism, and MANY OTHERS) can affect anyone at any time! If you're shocked that celebrities like Chester Bennington, Kate Spade, and Anthony Bourdain can be mentally ill and commit suicide because they "are rich and have everything", you do not understand the depths of mental illness. I urge you to research it. Look for signs in your loved ones. Reach out to them and don't give up.
*Risk factors are characteristics that make it more likely that someone will consider, attempt, or die by suicide. They can't cause or predict a suicide attempt, but they're important to be aware of.
Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, and certain personality disorders
Alcohol and other substance use disorders
Hopelessness
Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies
History of trauma or abuse
Major physical illnesses
Previous suicide attempt(s)
Family history of suicide
Job or financial loss
Loss of relationship(s)
Easy access to lethal means
Local clusters of suicide
Lack of social support and sense of isolation
Stigma associated with asking for help
Lack of healthcare, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment
Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)
*Some warning signs may help you determine if a loved one is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. If you or someone you know exhibits any of these, seek help by calling the Lifeline.
Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or isolating themselves
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Extreme mood swings
Finally, if YOU need help in ANY way, call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1(800)273-8255. Or you can text TALK to 741741. If you don't want to do that, please contact me. If you don't have my phone number, send me a private message and I will give it to you. You don't have to go through anything alone. And you don't have to be ashamed to talk to someone and seek help.
#KateSpade #AnthonyBourdain
#depressionlies #NeverAlone
#notweak
#mentalillness #stopthestigma
#suicide #anxiety
*information gathered from https://afsp.org/about-suicide/
This past Tuesday, famed designer Kate Spade committed suicide. Today, it was celebrity chef and host Anthony Bourdain. The ignorance on social media has been overwhelming.
No one just decides on a whim to commit suicide. NO ONE! Literally every one I know of that has killed themselves has done so because of a mental or physical illness. Congratulations if you don't understand that. That means you don't suffer from an illness that you can't escape from. Your joy isn't sucked out of your every waking moment by some demon that won't let go. Consider yourself lucky.
Suicide is not a selfish thing. I don't think you heard me. Let me say it again. SUICIDE IS NOT A SELFISH THING. Some of you still didn't hear that. I digress. Someone that commits suicide does it because they think LIVING is selfish. They truly believe that they are a burden to their family, friends, and society. Depression lies.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and each year nearly 45,000 people die from suicide. And that is up 25% from 20 years ago. But, that's just a lot of selfish people, right? For every "successful" suicide, there are 25 attempts. If you think that, you're an ignorant asshole. Men die by suicide 3.53x more often than women.
Let's look at other *statistics:
On average, there are 123 suicides per day.
White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2016.
Firearms account for 51% of all suicides in 2016.
The rate of suicide is highest in middle age — white men in particular.
Firearms were the most common method of death by suicide, accounting for a little more than half (51.01%) of all suicide deaths. The next most common methods were suffocation (including hangings) at 25.89% and poisoning at 14.90%.
There is no single cause for suicide. Suicide most often occurs when stress and health issues combine to create an experience of hopelessness and despair. Depression is the most common condition associated with suicide, and it is often undiagnosed or untreated. Conditions like depression, anxiety and substance problems, especially when untreated, increase risk for suicide. Yet it’s important to note that most people who actively manage their mental health conditions can go on to live a full life.
Often, an individual that has decided to commit suicide just cannot see past their own mental or physical pain. They only know that they are in despair RIGHT NOW. They can't even comprehend that tomorrow night be better. So, they do what is unthinkable to many of us.
I think in recent years, celebrity suicide has taught us that it's not a "poor person's" mentality. Suicide and mental illness affects everyone. It doesn't matter what your bank account says...what your gender, sexual orientation or race is. It just doesn't. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It's not a personal failure to suffer from mental illness and need help. We need to stop the stigma.
Mental illness and it's many forms(PTSD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, dementia, ADHD, schizophrenia, OCD, autism, and MANY OTHERS) can affect anyone at any time! If you're shocked that celebrities like Chester Bennington, Kate Spade, and Anthony Bourdain can be mentally ill and commit suicide because they "are rich and have everything", you do not understand the depths of mental illness. I urge you to research it. Look for signs in your loved ones. Reach out to them and don't give up.
*Risk factors are characteristics that make it more likely that someone will consider, attempt, or die by suicide. They can't cause or predict a suicide attempt, but they're important to be aware of.
Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, and certain personality disorders
Alcohol and other substance use disorders
Hopelessness
Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies
History of trauma or abuse
Major physical illnesses
Previous suicide attempt(s)
Family history of suicide
Job or financial loss
Loss of relationship(s)
Easy access to lethal means
Local clusters of suicide
Lack of social support and sense of isolation
Stigma associated with asking for help
Lack of healthcare, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment
Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)
*Some warning signs may help you determine if a loved one is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, has increased, or seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. If you or someone you know exhibits any of these, seek help by calling the Lifeline.
Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves
Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or isolating themselves
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Extreme mood swings
Finally, if YOU need help in ANY way, call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1(800)273-8255. Or you can text TALK to 741741. If you don't want to do that, please contact me. If you don't have my phone number, send me a private message and I will give it to you. You don't have to go through anything alone. And you don't have to be ashamed to talk to someone and seek help.
#KateSpade #AnthonyBourdain
#depressionlies #NeverAlone
#notweak
#mentalillness #stopthestigma
#suicide #anxiety
*information gathered from https://afsp.org/about-suicide/
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Roseanne, Freedom of Speech, & Its Consequences
Everyone is giving their opinions on Roseanne. Many are stating that her freedom of speech was violated. It wasn't. She freely exercised her freedom of speech. What the First Amendment doesn't guarantee is the freedom from the consequences of what you speak or write. That being said, I'm about to exercise my First Amendment right. I'm not free from consequences either. So, if you're so hurt or offended by anything I say, go ahead and unfollow, unfriend, or block me. If my opinion threatens you so much that you can't bear to still be friends with me either in real life or on social media, do your duty. But, you all speak yours every day and I rarely say a thing. It's my turn now; since I was asked.
Roseanne had it coming. She made racist statements on a public forum. If ANY of you do that, and your boss sees it, you'll be fired too. I suspect she may have actually violated the fine print in her contract.
There are those calling for other shows to be cancelled and stating this is hypocrisy at its finest because this show was cancelled and not others. So, let's talk hypocrisy. Why can Trump make all kinds of inflammatory remarks and NEVER have anything done to him? What about that hypocrisy? I don't watch shows like The View or whatever Bill Maher is on. So, I don't know those specifics. I obviously can't express an opinion on them. But why are you so worked up over other shows and not that Roseanne made RACIST STATEMENTS ON TWITTER? Sure, it happens all the time. That doesn't mean it's right or okay. Ask yourselves what is most important here.
BUT SHE APOLOGIZED, DAWN!
Well, if I call you a cunt and then say I'm sorry after receiving backlash, does that make it okay? We still gone be good? Likely not. I don't believe her apology was heartfelt. She received backlash and knew the show was being pulled. THEN she apologized.
WHAT ABOUT THE AMBIEN?
Listen, Ambien makes you do some CRAZY shit...ask several of my friends. But what it's not gonna do is make you racist or say racist things.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE CAST/CREW
Maybe I'm the cunt because I don't care. It's Hollywood. One day you have a job. The next you don't. They'll be fine and get work elsewhere. But I don't feel bad because they knew who they were dealing with. They should have expected an explosion of some kind. She has been in the limelight since the mid 80s and she's been a vile, disgusting woman ever since. This is nothing new. You don't just change that behavior.
In summation, I don't give 2 shits about Roseanne or her show. I didn't like her or the show in the 80s and I don't like the 2.0 version. No, I dont stand by her or with her. To do so is to condone her actions and I'll never do that. Yes, I hear there may be a spinoff of the show with the other cast members but excluding Roseanne. Nope. Probably won't watch that either.
Come at me.
Roseanne had it coming. She made racist statements on a public forum. If ANY of you do that, and your boss sees it, you'll be fired too. I suspect she may have actually violated the fine print in her contract.
There are those calling for other shows to be cancelled and stating this is hypocrisy at its finest because this show was cancelled and not others. So, let's talk hypocrisy. Why can Trump make all kinds of inflammatory remarks and NEVER have anything done to him? What about that hypocrisy? I don't watch shows like The View or whatever Bill Maher is on. So, I don't know those specifics. I obviously can't express an opinion on them. But why are you so worked up over other shows and not that Roseanne made RACIST STATEMENTS ON TWITTER? Sure, it happens all the time. That doesn't mean it's right or okay. Ask yourselves what is most important here.
BUT SHE APOLOGIZED, DAWN!
Well, if I call you a cunt and then say I'm sorry after receiving backlash, does that make it okay? We still gone be good? Likely not. I don't believe her apology was heartfelt. She received backlash and knew the show was being pulled. THEN she apologized.
WHAT ABOUT THE AMBIEN?
Listen, Ambien makes you do some CRAZY shit...ask several of my friends. But what it's not gonna do is make you racist or say racist things.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE CAST/CREW
Maybe I'm the cunt because I don't care. It's Hollywood. One day you have a job. The next you don't. They'll be fine and get work elsewhere. But I don't feel bad because they knew who they were dealing with. They should have expected an explosion of some kind. She has been in the limelight since the mid 80s and she's been a vile, disgusting woman ever since. This is nothing new. You don't just change that behavior.
In summation, I don't give 2 shits about Roseanne or her show. I didn't like her or the show in the 80s and I don't like the 2.0 version. No, I dont stand by her or with her. To do so is to condone her actions and I'll never do that. Yes, I hear there may be a spinoff of the show with the other cast members but excluding Roseanne. Nope. Probably won't watch that either.
Come at me.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
I'm Sexual, But Not Asexual
Last year, I wrote a blog for an online organization that focuses on empowering people with disabilities to lead happy, healthy sexual lives. For whatever reason, they didn't use my entry even though they still paid me. I want people to still be able to see it so that it can possibly help someone. Here it is in its entirety, though I updated my current age😊:
I was born with Spina Bifida. As a result, I am paralyzed from my knees down and I use a wheelchair full time. Growing up, and even now, in my early 40s, I have come to realize that many in society deem the disability community as asexual, or unable to have sexual relationships or any form of intimacy. Because of this, there are also many within the disability community that feel this way about themselves… or they are ashamed to be seen as sexual or sexy.
I can still remember the first time I had “the talk” with mom. It was actually a forced situation. I was about 9 years old and we were at one of my Spina Bifida clinics that I attended every 6 months. It was right around the time that I was learning to catheterize, and one of the nurses asked mom if she had talked to me about sex, menstrual cycles and all of the related topics. In the nurse’s eyes, it was the perfect time since I was learning about my ‘nether region’ to get this catheterizing thing down pat. Mom, however, was taken aback. The nurse said, “You do realize that your daughter can have sex, don’t you?!” Mom wasn’t actually disputing that. Her only reply was that I was too young for either of us to think about that. Like I said, I was about 9 at the time and this was in the early 1980s. I was the youngest child of 3 – the only girl - and mom was divorced, taking care of all of us. To say she was protective of me is an understatement. Still, we went home and had “the talk” later that day. It was brutal, as you can imagine. Remember YOUR first sex talk?
As a kid, I never actually thought about it. I just knew that I would grow up and have lots of boyfriends, eventually get married, and someday have kids. Just like all of my friends thought of themselves. It wasn’t until junior high that I began to realize that may not happen. I had PLENTY of friends… male and female. But no one was asking me out on dates. My only conclusion was that it was because of my disability. Even back then, people would ask me if I could have kids “the natural way” and when I said yes, they were shocked. I was becoming aware that people didn’t see me that way. Today, I’m 42 and I still get those questions and the shocked looks when I reply that I can.
I was 18 before I got my first boyfriend. We met my senior year of high school. And no, he does not have any disabilities. That seems to be a common misconception too…that we only date within our community. He was the person I lost my virginity to and we are married today. I was so incredibly shy about dating and guys when he finally came around. It took meeting him and falling in love with him for me to grasp that I can be a sexual person and not “asexual”. That I can be sexy---if only in his eyes. He broke me out of the shell that society had put me into so many years ago.
Admittedly, it’s a shell that I work hard to stay out of. When I fall back into the trappings that society seems comfortable putting me in, he’s right there by my side reminding me that I am my own person and I can do whatever I want with my body, even if it makes others uncomfortable.
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